Friday, December 20th

This Guy's job happened to be in a mall. And while nothing good really ever comes from working in a mall, This Guy finds pleasure in a lot of the little things that people might not notice in the mall.

Like the natural lighting for most of the roofs, the immaculate mall directory (changed almost immediately after a store changes), and the hardest-working janitors ever.

But one of the funniest things for This Guy and his coworkers at the watch store, were the people who worked at the Body Modz kiosk beside the watch store.

These people, god damn. Body Modz (here-on known as BM) guy (there's only one), is a scruff. He's clearly a closet furry, an otaku, but at least on the outside, he dresses like a regular feller. Maybe just lacking a bit of personal hygiene, but that's forgivable.

BM girls (there are many of them), however, are the strangest people you've ever seen. They wear clothes that don't make sense, colours that don't match, their hair is always a strange colour and in a strange pattern,  and they are all on the verge of obesity. But This Guy can't say they're awful people, he's never talked to them except one, who sounded a little like Seth Rogan.

So everyone who works with This Guy at the watch store, always makes fun of the ridiculously dressed people, and every day it's like tearing a page from the "ugly-bodymodz-girls-calendar".

But today, This Guy's coworker Courtney brought to light an interesting thought.

What if every day, the BM people would look over at us watch people, and think it strange how NORMAL we all were? What a bizarro world that would be.

But- as This Guy quickly thought to himself, that wouldn't matter, because our two worlds would never collide. Ever. And he plans on keeping it that way.

Wednesday, December 4th

This is a short one, because not a whole lot happened to This Guy today. But what did, still boggles him.

He'd say it's in the top 10 strangest things to have ever witnessed.

At work, on a day unlike no other, This Guy feels the urge to rock a piss and he excuses himself to the bathroom.

Now, being in a mall, This Guy has seen a bunch of strange characters in this mall. From people who talk to their dongs, to people who look over the urinal , to people who crunch chips quite audibly in stalls next to him.

But this one takes the cake.

An Asian man, average build, average height, about the age of 60, is standing at the sink, holding a bag in one hand, and a hunk of meat in the other.

This hunk of meat isn't a euphamism for his penis, it was a literal piece of meat. Probably a steak he just bought at Superstore, judging by the bag he was holding in his other hand.

But this meat was not cooked. And the old Asian man was washing it in the sink.

All the while, he was making sounds, similar to that of a man who is enjoying a delicious steak... "Mmmmm..... MMMMMmmmmmm...."

This Guy looked in horror at this man, and washed his hands then quickly left the bathroom

This made This Guy think to himself... Could he date a germaphobe? Perhaps creepy-Asian guy wasn't a germaphobe, but still. This Guy doesn't think he could date someone who has to wash every single piece of food they eat, no matter how dirty the source of water may be.

Tuesday, December 3rd

So this happened to This Guy a few days ago, but the story is still relevant.

This Guy knew a girl named Steph. She was a friend of his since first-year college, and she was the sort of person with a snappy personality.

But he had sort of made it into her good books, mostly by introducing to her current boyfriend; another friend of This Guy, and also This Guy's roommate.

Which is why it's surprising that on this day, Steph managed to make This Guy seem like the snappy one who couldn't put up with her bullshit.

It begins in the morning... This Guy is going to work and he expects a bunch of crazy shenanigans because it's Black Friday. But he is super stoked because he knows he will get to work with Courtney and Kmoney, two awesome co-workers.

But after getting to work, he sees that he will actually be closing with Steph. And This Guy isn't MAD, but he is a little disappointed.

See, Steph had asked This Guy every day for a month to get her a job at the watch store where he worked, so he put in a good word and Courtney eventually hired her.

But to This Guy, Steph takes this job for granted. Because what would you know, Steph is kind of rich.

And it's not like This Guy has any problems with rich people. In fact, if you know any, you let him know. But when people are working for a living and you sort of take everything lightly, this is the kind of thing that irks This Guy.

So This Guy accepts that he will have to work with Steph, and he makes her a deal. If they can sell more than 10k (an all time store record), This Guy would buy Steph dinner.

To this, Steph replies: "YAH!!!", with such enthusiasm that This Guy was surprised such a little person could have.

But that's Steph in a nutshell.

*cue busy store stuffs*

This Guy wants to surprise Steph, so he leans in and tells her that he guess he owes her dinner, to subtly imply that they have just hit 10k. Hooray!

Except the reaction This Guy was hoping for, a bit if cheering and a few high fives all around, was totally wrong. Instead, Steph shouts out that she wants to go to the Keg.

So.... This Guy is a man of his word, and he takes her to the Keg after work.

And many laughs, smiles, and good times were had. 

Everyone went home and it was a great success. This Guy wishes it went like that.

The dinner DID go smoothly, but after everyone went home, This Guy thought that being tired from work and having a warm meal in his belly would be the perfect way to go to sleep.

Instead, he gets a phone call.

And who other than Steph, asking for help. She appeared to be out of gas and stuck in the middle of the road somewhere, in between two very far-apart bus stops. 

For some context, at this point it was half past twelve, and the bus stopped outside This Guy's house every hour. 

What does This Guy do? He says stay there, grabs a coat, his bus pass, an empty jerry can, and runs out the door to the nearest gas station.

After filling up $20 of gas, he waits for the bus in the light rain and prays she has the common sense to put her hazard lights on.

Catching the bus and a break from the rain, This Guy congratulates himself on having his earbuds in his jacket pocket, or else that wait would have sucked 10x more.

And after getting off at the stop he has to, he has to walk halfway up a mountain to get to Steph. But with a full jerry can of gas, he does it. He makes it to her car

To This Guy's surprise though, the car is just sitting there and there's no Steph standing beside it with her hands on her head freaking out, like he had expected she would be!

Instead, he goes up to her car and knocks on the glass. Steph then lazily rolls down the window and pulls a lever to open the gas tank.

This Guy couldn't believe it! She doesn't even get out of the car because she can't get herself wet, and she expects him to pour the gas in for her!

After everything though, what This Guy really couldn't believe, was that not a single thank you was given out, nor a single bit of his money or time reimbursed.

So after seeing Steph drive off, This Guy sat soaked on a bench waiting for the bus, and thought that maybe he wouldn't date a rich person... Because thank yous are apparently too expensive to be bought.

He thought to himself that he'd rather date a thank you slut than a thank you prude.

Then he caught a bus and went home to finally go to sleep.